Keep Jacqui the Goon for comedy's sake

I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for saying this but I'm not convinced that it is time for Jacqui Smith to go. The Home secretary has jumped from the frying pan into the fire, then into the saucepan, the grill, the barbecue, steamer, broiler, fondue, kettle, deep fat fryer, cauldron, griddle, toasted cheese and ham sandwich maker, the slow cooker and the George Foreman. Wow! what a lot of junk I've got to cook stuff in that I never use.

Anyway I have been hypothesising about what would happen if she were to be sacked or if she resigned. Firstly I would have less to get angry about and subsequently write about. She is a one woman disaster and from my point of view is a dream come true because she provides me with gaff after gaff with which to criticise the current mess that is our government.

The difference between Smith and other cabinet ministers is that she gets caught. She gets caught because not only is she ignorant of the rules, but by now she has to be convinced that they don't even apply to her anyway. If she goes then the potential is that the gaffometer will go back down to an almost respectable level as her sneakier colleagues actually play politics and people might start to think that the government is OK!

We cannot afford (literally) for this to happen. If Labour win another term in office then we're done for and I'm off to Zimbabwe for a more stable economy and I'm taking my cooking implements and appliances with me. However if she stays then she will continue to show up this government for what it really is...a joke. Politically, it will probably serve the PM and others quite well to keep her too. After all if you have made mistakes or want to do something without being seen because it will be unpopular, illegal or immoral it is always handy to have a clown running about to divert attention. I'm sure that there are those in power who are delusional enough still to presume that they can win another term so for them she has to be pure gold.

The last thing I want to say is that I actually enjoy having her where she is. When all the rage and anger subsides, she's actually seems to be quite a funny and light hearted character. Granted, she's helped to spend our money on nothing but her own gain and most of her policies would have been lauded by the Nazi party in Germany circa 1930s but she doesn't smile like a vampire and she is the kind of person who provides a bit of light hearted humour in an otherwise grey world. She's the character who's bra flings off in true Carry On/Barbara Windsor style when she walks into Westminster or slips on banana skins left by the opposition. So if she does go I find myself in the compromising position of saying that she will be sorely....