The Week's Shiny Bits

Funny things happen in politics every day. Some things make you feel frustrated, some things laeve you confused, some things make you mad and sometimes, only sometimes things really make you smile. This week has presented the whole spectrum of feelings for me.

Frustrated...with the refusal and silence of Thabo Mbeki over the elections and violence in Zimbabwe. Frustrated also by a pittyful show of gesturing and posturing by world leaders. Everyone seems to be very keen to condemn Mugabe but as usual, nobody seems to be in any rush to actually do anything...Quelle surprise!!!

Confused...by the Nelson Mandella concert in London last night. I think the idea was actually brilliant but I was enraged by the decision by the TV channel that aired it to intersperse the music with inane interviews by inane presenters with inane artistes (some of whom could hardly string a sentence together and I would be very surprised if they were even aware of things like the Sowheto uprisings). I was enraged by the fact that every time someone farts on TV on Saturday night, they bring out the same prepubescent looking slip of a lass (Fearn Cotton) to jump all over the place, ask crap questions and oversell the occurrence almost to the point of orgasm. Surely this style of presentation would be better suited to children’s TV, QVC or ITV’s This Morning. Coincidentally I believe that’s where the other presenter of the evening cut his teeth.

I was also perplexed as to why poor Nelson was sat in what appeared to be a darkened tent on his own except for the company of Gordon Brown!!!???.... possibly one of the most boring men on the planet. What I mean to say is that Nelson, 90 years old and celebrating his birthday at a massive rock concert in possibly one of the most exciting places in the world was sat with possibly one of the most boring people in the world, a failing politician who probably only wanted to be there for his own image or to pester him for some kind of overt sign of public support, affection or endorsement. It would be like popping into Macky Dee’s or Thornton’s with your personal trainer or watching sex on TV with your parents; it just isn’t fun.

Disheartened...by stories from Italy that they re proposing to fingerprint every gypsy in the country so that they can keep control over them in some way. I find it a wholly shameful thing that what the Italians are planning to do is absolutely reminiscent of what the Nazis did to the Gypsies and the Jews before they made them wear badges, put them in ghettos and then liquidated them (ghettos then inhabitants). Where’s the condemnation from the leaders of Europe and the rest of the world on this one? Bloody nowhere!!!

Happy...about the resignation by the crook Wendy Alexander. It is bout time she went for the good of the country. Lets hope that her boss takes a positive lesson from her example and does likewise...sooner rather than later.

Attenborough does the Labour Chimps

Watching the political landscape at the moment is a bit like watching a wildlife program. I could probably use any species of animals that have been striped of their privacy for our entertainment over the decades but for the purposes of this article, I am going to use the politicians themselves on location because I think the halls of Westminster have become just as dangerous as the Serengeti plains of Africa.

Gordon Brown, the alfa politician from the red troop looks out over the lands of his territory and stretches. The sun is up and it will be a hot day today before the rains arrive in the afternoon just after PMs question time according to Carol from the BBC. He has enjoyed his dominance over the troop as the old alfa politician's second in command and recently the old alfa retired allowing Gordon to become the king of the plains.

Gordon has a few problems though. The first problem for Gordon and his dominant troop is that for the last couple of years another troop who was feeding at the fringes of his territory has begun to increase its numbers and has been getting bolder and bolder in challenging the new red troop alfa. The old alfa was always quick to crush their attempts for dominance and chase them back to the fringes but Gordon has allowed them establish their footing. Another "yellow" group has also emerged and is beginning to look more and more confident every day. For Gordon, survival has become difficult because he and his troop are constantly under attack from all sides in a struggle for the rich plains of the United Kingdom.

As troops go, this would normally not present such a big risk to his power because they are still numerically superior. The biggest problem that Gordon faces, however is that there is now an increasing number of Betas in the troop who are starting to challenge the authority of their leader. They are young, inexperienced and all highly flattered, if not blinded by the media attention they have been getting over the last couple of months. They are well groomed and turn up on all the right TV shows. They are hungry for the attention and they are absolutely hungry for power which they seem to have been given very quickly. People like the Milliband brothers, Punrel and the two Alexanders find themselves in positions of power way ahead of their time or as it seems ability. They also appear to be politicians of the worst kind because their youth, inexperience and burning ambition turns any kind of political savvy they may have into something that looks like smarm of the highest order.

The fact is that these betas, deliberately or not are undermining their alfa on an alarmingly regular basis and I think some have become more of a liability that Gordon himself. Any one of the other troops vying for power at the moment will be able to use this situation to their advantage and are making their moves for power as we speak. The blue troop is way ahead in the polls. The yellow is not far off the reds at the moment. Either or both alfas are in a position to crush the reds if they are ruthless enough to do so, by exploiting and manipulating the situation as it is.

The new red troop alfa needs to act quickly if he wants to survive the rainy season. He will need to face these betas in a violent showdown to pull his troop together again. Insurgency will only bring them demise. He needs to fight and he needs to win. He then needs to banish the defeated and concentrate on tightening his remaining members for battle in the inevitable showdown with the blues and the yellows whenever it comes and when ever he is ready for it.